I'm No Idiom
by CMakg
Summary: Trip tries to confound T'Pol with his colourful turns of phrase, T'Pol turns the tables.


_Just a little one shot that popped into my head and demanded to be written down. Cannon compliant, set sometime during the first or second season. If you don't find the story funny hopefully the rampent technobabble will amuse you._

* * *

"How do you plan to compensate for variances in the static master systems?" T'Pol asked.

"By calibrating the multidimentional warp sphere with the crossover phase emitter" Trip called out from the access panel his head was buried in.

"Your proposal is not impossible but but my suggestion is the more logical course of action." This was, naturally, said with cool Vulcan detachment and only a slightly raised eyebrow and tip off her head.

"Logic, again" Trip, pulled out from the hatch and shook his hypospanner in her direction. "You know, just saying "logical" doesn't make you any more right than me. There's more than one way to skin a cat.

"I beg your pardon?" Both eyebrows went up in response to this statement.

"You heard me;" he said as he turned back to the access panel. "There's more than one way to skin a cat."

"What does removing the pelt of a domestic feline have to do with fluctuations in the quantum subspace transmitter?"

"Nothing. It means there's more than one logical way to do something and in this case it means we can stabilise the compressed subspace flux without causing interference in the differential subspace field."

"The levels of interference would fall well within the proscribed parameters," She said while handing him a PADD. "Did you frequently hunt cats in your youth?"

"What? Of course not. Why would I hunt cats?" He responded emphatically as he revised the PADD "These parameters," he said, tapping the screen as he spoke, "were devised by a 'garbage-in, garbage-out' mathematical modeller whose only "space" experience is on a keyboard. I work with the actual systems every day, and I know, from real experience, the impact of each unit of interference on ship's systems." He passed the PADD to her and turned back to the panel he was working on.

"I agree that, ideally and where possible, we should calibrate our systems such that levels of interference are undetectable by current sensors. However, there is element of urgency for this repair. Your method, though more encompassing than mine, will take considerably longer." She looked back down at the PADD and began flicking through screens. "Did you have associates who regularly hunted cats."

"Is this because I'm from Florida?" Trip narrowed his eyes at her. "Have you seen all that "Florida Man" stuff? For your information, I am not some swamp dwelling hick from a trailer park full redneck, cat hunting friends" He crossed his arms and looked at her sideways. "If you want to play the efficacy card, then how efficient is it to implement a repair, only to have to undo it at a later date so that it can be improved. Surely it's more logical to just do it right the first time."

"If efficiency were the primary concern, I would agree with you. It is urgency that is the priority in this case, which makes my proposal the logical one." She did not look up from the PADD as she spoke. "I am unfamiliar with the concept of "Florida Man". How does it relate to cat hunting? Is it a common pastime there?"

"No," Trip replied with a resigned sigh "it isn't." "Look, can we just forget about the cats and discuss the fact that the repair would be quicker but I would have to recalculate the warp field parameters to take into account the interference, that doesn't seem more efficient to me."

"You will be required to recalculate the warp field, regardless of whether there is an increase in interference in the differential subspace field, due to the repairs to the deuterium inductor coils. If you did not hunt cats and your associates did not either, then how did you gain experience with the various methods of skinning them?"

Trip shook his head and rolled his eyes. "Jesus, again with the cats," he huffed. "I have not hunted or skinned cats, I do not have friends who have hunted or skinned cats, in fact, I like cats,I grew up with cats."

"Did your family farm cats for their pelts. It was my understanding you father was also an engineer, is cat farming your mother's profession."

"My mother, is a Computer Science professor at FSU. There is no such thing as a cat farmer. Nobody hunts cats and nobody farms them. We kept cats as pets, their names were Bungle and Zippy. They lived long, happy lives: sleeping, eating, knocking things off tables, chasing laser pointers and judging us, until they died of old age: Zippy, when I was 18; and Bungle, when I was 23."

"I see," she looked up from the PADD and canted her head slightly. "so did you wait until they died naturally before you skinned them?"

Trip threw up his hands, "Christ on a bike, there was never any question of skinning them. They were members of our family. When he died, we buried Zippy in the back yard, put flowers on his grave and cried like babies. I assume the same thing happened with Bungle, I wasn't living at home at the time so I couldn't attend his 'funeral'."

"If you do not hunt cats, farm them, or skin them when they die of old age, then what is the basis for your experience skinning them?" T'Pol shifted on her feet slightly as she put her hands behind her back and stared at him, wide eyed and impassive.

"T'Pol, for the last time: I have never skinned a cat. I will never skin a cat. I have never seen a cat skinned. I don't know anyone that has skinned a cat. "

"I see. I find it illogical that you would refer to an activity that you have no knowledge or experience performing, as a relevant point in your argument,"

Trip ran his hand over his face. "I'm questioning the decision myself right now. Look, it's just a turn of phrase. It's not meant to be taken literally. Skinning cats has nothing to do with space travel, it's..." he got up suddenly and started collecting his tools. "actually, come to think of it, this is a waste of time, I don't think I can continue this conversation anymore. Why don't you finish up here, I have other systems in engineering that I need to work on."

"Certainly," She said with a small nod. "Should I bypass the lower phase sustainer or not?"

He stopped at the door and tipped back his head, looking skyward for a moment before turning and looking at her. "You know what, you do whatever you think is best."

"I will do so."

"Commander Tucker?" She called out as he exited into the hall.

"Yes?"

"I believe you are correct. There is more than one way to skin a cat. Would you care to review my evidence?" She said as she looked at him innocently over the PADD she was holding out.

"What! Jesus, no!" He reeled back in horror. "That's just sick. I'll be in engineering if you need anything further."

He was back in Engineering furiously recalculating the warp field to take into account the subspace flux interference when he realised whose cat had just been skinned. " Well played, Sub-Commander T'Pol, well played." He laughed to himself and shook his head. "T'Pol: one, Tucker: Zero. I guess I'll have to get you next time."


End file.
